WTF???

Ok. Those of you who work for large companies will probably get me on this one. If not, just go with me here.

The company I work for had around 12-15 employees when I first started two years ago. Thanks to good business and other factors, that number has now doubled, and we will be moving into our very own new lovely building in October.

However comma, this burgeoning enterprise still behaves like a small business in numerous ways. One of the most annoying ways is employee birthdays.

With 15 or so people (ok, women) working here, it seemed like a manageable task to collect five bucks or so from each person in the office per birthday. That money would be used to purchase a cake, birthday card, and a modest gift card. Friends of the birthday girl would also decorate her desk with balloons, streamers, whatever. Things can get pretty creative, and all in all, it makes one feel durn special to have your own theme birthday desk. Since I'm a dog lover, I had paw prints all over my walls and floor and some rawhide chewies for my beloved furkids in addition to balloons and confetti.

Our boss, bless him, even buys lunch for the whole crew (once per week if there are multiple b-days in that month).

BUT...now that the company has literally doubled in size, this birthday mess has become one huge pain in the ass.

There's a girl upstairs who's been here for about a month. Due to the fractured nature of our current renting situation, my office is nowhere near hers and I've only seen her in passing. I don't know her last name, and I'm not sure she even knows that I work here. (I have my own office, separate from other departments.)

This doesn't seem to matter, as I've been told in not so many words that I should contribute to her birthday even though we haven't ever been introduced.

Normally, requests for contributions to the birthday are made by email- if you can or want to contribute, you do so. You are not asked outright and put in the position of having to say "no."

About a week ago, contributions were being taken for one of our part-timers, a piece of crap 18 year old bratty high school boy who at one time was fired and re-hired and at least two times was caught having looked at porn on company computers. I caught him once, right out in plain view, watching a video of what was clearly sex. He's disrespectful, rude, and lazy, and the only reason he still has a job here is because his mom is a manager.

Basically, I don't like this little shithead. (Did I make that clear?)

The girl collecting for his birthday last week popped her head into my office and said, "Today's the last day to contribute for so-and-so's birthday. Did you want to throw in?"

I unceremoniously said, "Nope."

She seemed taken aback and repeated, "Nope?"

(Uhh, did I fucking stutter?) "Nope," I said once again.

"Ooohhhkayyyy...," she said, rolling her eyes as she closed my office door.

Something's gotta give with this birthday business.