Magnetic Poems

I just gave a set of Wine Lover's Magnetic Poetry as a birthday gift to catlover926, and it prompted me to post some of my very own refrigerator compositions.

I have two sets of the magnetic words, the Shakespeare and Dog Lover versions. I have composed permanently installed poems to my beloved husband and three dogs. Here they are! (As none of the magnetic words are capitalized, and some plurals must be created with an "s" instead of "ies," etc., the versions here are slightly different than the ones on my fridge. I'm too picky about grammar to replicate such here. Deal with it!)

Any of my friends and family that visit my house are invited to create their own poem on my fridge.

Names of my dogs have been changed to protect them from being embarassed by their silly mama.

To my husband:

I dream of him at night
And then too in the morning
I feel him around me always
He is my love
And I am his squirrel

For Bubba:

Friend and animal
Favorite fur
Always faithful
Never afraid to protect without question
Happy with love
And a bone

For Woo:

Sweet girl
So seemly a lady
Graceful, beautiful
She is all dog
Belching and licking
Her butt

For Goose:

Little black pup
Dirty, hungry, dog-tired
Come hither
Say farewell to the perilous streets
Come eat, sleep, play
Discover a dream
And friends

A, B, C...all about me

A-B-C... It's all about me

Another silly meme. I tag my usual peeps...HardcoreDoug, MattV, and catlover926.

A is for Age - 29

B is for Booze – Grey Goose vodka and cranberry juice with a twist of lime

C is for Career – Paralegal

D is for Dad’s name - Dad

E is for Essential items to bring to a party - A bottle of wine for the hosts

F is for Favorite article of clothing- A soft long-sleeved tee and the jeans I already wore yesterday

G is for Goof off thing to do - Read Vogue, Maxim, and celebrity gossip blogs like Perez Hilton.

H is for Hometown - The people who matter know.

I is for Instrument you play – Um, hmm. None.

J is for Jam or Jelly you like - Strawberry (what else is there?)

K is for Kids – Two as yet unborn

L is for Living arrangement – Married 2 years, shacked up with him for 4 before that.

M is for Music I like – The gamut from Alice In Chains to Vivaldi, ABBA to White Zombie.

N is for Name of your first pet - As a child, a Benji-type mutt named Punky. As an adult, a black cat named Bagheera. I *heart* you, Baggy, wherever you are!

O is for overnight hospital stays – 14 days for a busted elbow in traction at age 12

P is for Phobias – Snakes, failure

Q is for Quote you like - "You have to forget about what other people say- when you're supposed to die, when you're supposed to be loving. You have to go on and be crazy. Craziness is like heaven." ~Jimi Hendrix

R is for Reason for blogging – Anonymous self expression and an insatiable thirst for praise

S is for Siblings – Three younger bros and one younger sis, none of which looks up to me.

T is for Texas, ever been? Absolutely.

U is for Unique trait – Only child out of 5 that will have graduated college without any financial help from Dad, and prolly the only one to graduate Summa Cum Laude. *curtsey*

V if for Vegetable you love - Cucumbers, garlic, any veg really

W is for Worst traits – Intellectual snobbery, especially against the grammatically impaired

X is for X-Rays you’ve had – See hospital stay in re broken elbow. Dunno how many times they x-rayed that sumbitch.

Y is for Yummy food you make – Awesome baked beans, chocolate cake, oatmeal raisin cookies

Z is for Zodiac sign – Cancer

Do something nice for others

I hate the term "compassionate conservatism," like conservatism in and of itself does not include compassion unless you add it on. Bull puckey.

I also detest the usage of "less fortunate" and "disadvantaged." Honestly, most of the great unwashed in our country are just as fortunate and advantaged as the rest of us. They screwed up their lives with poor choices of dropping out, joblessness, drugs, alkeehol, gambling, unwed childbearing, crime, etc. If you need words to use for these types, try "poor" or "homeless."

The only ones who are truly less fortunate and disadvantaged are the children of the adult unwashed. They didn't ask to be born unto lazy ne'er-do-wells, just like I didn't ask to be born so freakin' smart. :D

Regardless, I do want to help my fellow man. I already posted about the ARF volunteering. That was easy. I love animals. They're without guile, without deception. They don't milk welfare. They don't forge Social Security information or lie on their taxes. They do tend to have a lot of illegitimate children, especially those slutty cats, so I guess they are a little like people, but that's where the similarities end. I guess if you're talking about MY animals, they can also be very lazy and shiftless. But they're cute, so that's ok. And I got mine fixed.

Anyway, I'm trying to go outside of myself a bit and help others, the human kind. Fear not, I'm not going all bedwetting liberal or anything. Just trying to help those in need, especially kids.

I've just organized a food drive at my job for the local Community Food Bank. Two large cardboard boxes and a few well-placed posters will do most of the work. Hopefully my coworkers will go along and help fill the boxes with non-perishables.

We have a rather nice company Chrismas party coming up in a month; I'm contemplating doing Toys For Tots on that one..

Now don't get me wrong. I am certainly no bleeding heart. My motives are purely selfish. I like showing my liberal coworkers that Democrats do not corner the market on being generous and charitable. My animal volunteering is way selfish- I get to play with cats and dogs all day! My bloodletting to the Red Cross is meant to get me over my fear of needles before I go and have kids, meaning IVs and possibly an epidural. My regular boxes of clothing to Goodwill is a much more desirable choice than having garage sales, which are always pains in the ass and remind me too much of my mother and her secondhand fetish.

So fear not. I'm still as coldhearted and mean as ever.

Another meme!

This one was invented by my cuzzin HardcoreDoug. I tag Key and Yabu. They don't really know me, so yes, this is more shameless self-promotion in an attempt to get more readers.

Open your media player, set it to random/shuffle on your entire library, click through the first 20 songs, and list them.

Here are mine:

"Your Most Valuable Possession" - Ben Folds Five
"Player's Ball" - Outkast
"In The Waiting Line" - Zero 7
"Baghdad" - Jesse Cook
"Part of Me" - Tool
"I Walk Alone" - Oleander
"Sweat" - Tool
"Way Down" - Elvis Presley
"The Enemy Is You" - Elliott Smith
"Tomorrow" - Information Society
"Down In A Hole (Unplugged Version)" - Alice In Chains
"Pleasure, Little Treasure" - Depeche Mode
"Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" - Trans-Siberian Orchestra
"Axel F" - Harold Faltermeyer
"Atomic Fuck Machine" - Cafe Del Mar Porn Grooves
"Uninvited" - Alanis Morissette
"Bled White" - Elliott Smith
"Sure Shot" - Beastie Boys
"Insight" - Depeche Mode
"I'll Never Fall In Love Again" - Burt Bacharach and Elvis Costello

Now, if you have some real time on your hands, then put Amazon links on your songs so others can explore your favorite music. I just don't have the inclination to do that. I'm lazy.

Quite an interesting mix so far. I leave my work computer on during the week, and thus my media player (WMP) is open all week, and it's usually on shuffle. This makes my daily mix a good'un.

Now that I'm nearing the end of this post, I've heard two full songs after the 20 shorties. Number 21 was "Untitled" by VAST, and now #22 is over- "Playboy Mommy" by Tori Amos, making room for "3 x 5" by John Mayer.

My new part time gig

I haven't blogged much about this yet, but I'm a total dog nut. My husband and I have three, two beagles and an urban hybrid. I even make regular visits to a beagle owners' forum, where beag lovers from all over swap stories and pictures.

I'm totally retarded for my dogs, your dogs, homeless dogs, the neighbor's dogs, purebred dogs, genetically miscellaneous dogs, big dogs, little dogs, etc.

I had my first day of volunteering with our local Animal Rescue Foundation (ARF) last Saturday. I went to PetSmart from 9:30-2 and helped show dogs and cats available for adoption. I plan to go back once or twice a month.

It was so much fun! There were two beagles there that need homes- a 1 year old boy called Copper and a 14 week old girl called Jenny. I got to play with them and show them off.

Of course, I didn't neglect the other needy dogs! They were all very sweet and lovable. I'd have taken them all home if I could, especially the two sweetie pie freakin' adorable Doxie mixes, Cinnamon and Dumpling.

I also visited with lots of dogs that came in to shop, including an awesome beagle whose job it was to hear for her hearing impaired human. Sadly, I forgot her name, but she was a sweet and hardworking beagle girl!

I even helped a lady with a young Boston terrier who came in for a puppy obedience class. She was having trouble walking the adorable lad, as he had a tendency to choke himself with excitement. So I recommended a body harness, and lo and behold, she bought him one.

It was a great day all around. I am looking forward to my next shift.

There was one caveat, however. (Isn't there always?)

For some reason, the humans I worked with were less than friendly. I don't know if they think I'm not going to come back, or that maybe I'm just like the two high school girls who were there only because they need service hours for school. Hopefully, if that is the case, they'll see that I'm there because I love animals, and I want to help get them good homes.

Make April 15th Just Another Day

I'm a fan of the FairTax, which is a proposed plan to overhaul our federal tax system.

I know, I know, taxes...*booooorrrriiiiiinnnnggggg*

But come on, people. Take a look at your paystub. How much of your money is being taken from your check every week? Do you even have a clue? This plan would make things more fair, and it would make Mom and Pop Normal realize just how much taxes the government levies on everyone.

For those of you who may not be familiar, here are some facts about the plan, courtesy of Americans For Fair Taxation.

The FairTax:

• Creates jobs where the current system destroys jobs. By stripping out hidden federal income taxes and compliance costs, the FairTax makes U.S. goods more competitive overseas and more afordable at home, thereby sharply increasing job creation while sharply reducing our balance of payments deficit.


• Gives you your whole paycheck. No federal withholding! What you earn, you get.


• Eliminates Social Security withholding, the most regressive tax of all, while ensuring the system fulfills its promise to one generation without being a terrible burden on the next.


• Eliminates the corporate taxes and costs of compliance hidden in both wholesale and retail prices.


• Dramatically lowers effective tax rates for lower- and middle-income; a rebate ends taxes up to the poverty level.


• Allows families to save more and faster for home ownership, education, and retirement.


• Allows homeowners to pay their entire house payment with pretax dollars, a great improvement over the current home interest deduction.


• Frees up time wasted on filling out cumbersome and inscrutable IRS forms throughout the economy to the tune of $250 billion or more (about three percent of GDP).


• Raises the same amount of revenue for the federal government (revenue neutral). Retail costs stay the same.


• Taxes the trillion-dollar underground, criminal, drug, and porn economy.


• Makes taxation of income unconstitutional by supporting the repeal of the 16th Amendment.


• Eliminates the IRS as we know it.

Recipe Tuesday, Episode One

I've decided to make Tuesdays a special day to post recipes on my lovely little blog here. I love to cook, and at least one of my very few blogreaders does as well. A blogtastically belated Happy Birthday- you know who you are!

Today's recipe is Homemade Microwave Popcorn. It's delicious and nutritious!

You will need:

Raw popcorn
Brown paper lunch sack
Stapler
Butter or margarine
Salt (regular or popcorn salt- kosher is too chunky)
Microwave

Pour enough popcorn into the paper sack to cover the bottom. A little overlap is OK. Fold the top of the bag over once and staple twice. No, the staples will not spark or cause a fire in your microwave.

Flatten the stapled sack and lay it on its side in the microwave. Zap for as long as your microwave takes to pop a bag of corn, plucking the bag out when popping slows to a couple seconds between pops. (If you can smell burnt popcorn, it's too late. Start over.)

For you morons out there, watch out! It's hot and stuff! Don't burn your ignorant self on the staples or the steam!

Dump the corn into a bowl, drizzle with melted butter or margarine, and sprinkle liberally with salt.

Butter works better than margarine; margarine has a tendency to make the corn soggy because of its water content.

Now you have a tasty, healthy (and cheap!) afternoon snack that can even be made at work. Do like I do and keep a bag of corn with a stack of paper sacks in your desk.

Enjoy, but don't forget the toothpick to clean your toofs afterward.

They're at it again...

San Francisco Voters Approve Handgun Ban

The Coalition of the Stupid is at it again. When guns are outlawed, only criminals will have guns. Do these morons really think that criminals, thugs, gangsters, and various other nefarious ne'er-do-wells will VOLUNTARILY turn in all of their weapons?

Seriously.

They'll still be armed, and Mom and Pop Normal will have their fannies waving nekkid in the breeze, just waiting to be robbed.

Kick me in the pants if I ever decide it might be a good idea to move to the Left Coast.

When do you ask for a raise?

When does one ask for a raise from one's boss?

I've been in my current position for just over a year at the same rate of pay. This position was a promotion from a lower one, and came with a $1.00 per hour raise last fall.

The job I do now was created when it was offered to me. No one had been doing what I do before, and no one in the company can do it now either.

My basic function is one of accounting. It's basic stuff such as clearing checks, wires, and deposits, with the daily messes thrown in.

The clincher, in my opinion, is that my plain ole accounting has a serious fiduciary responsibility to it.

I'm doing escrow accounting, with one of our bank accounts carrying an average daily balance of around $10 to $15 million.

Yes, MILLIONS.

None of it is our money; it all belongs to people obtaining mortgages.

Hence, the responsibility.

My main job entails reconciliation of the bank accounts each month. Last month, I had my largest discrepancy thus far, a whopping $0.85 cents off in the balance.

In months previous, the discrepancy has been zero to $0.05.

So why shouldn't I ask for a raise?

My husband seems to think I should just let it be.

Bullshit, I say.

I'm the only person here with an office who's not a manager. I don't have any underlings to call my own, but I sure as hell have a lot on my shoulders. I don't really care if I have the manager title or not, but I think I have earned a raise.

It seems only fair. Comments?

Wednesday Already?

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: WMP on random, song of the moment is "Mamacita" by Outkast.

Made it through Halloween just fine. I wore an 80s chick costume all day- neon green off the shoulder tee, jean skirt, big bangs, side pony á la Deb from Napoleon Dynamite. Oh yeah...Rockin' the side ponytail. We actually had quite a few trick-or-treaters, which was nice. The dogs got in some quality barking time with every one.

Of course, there were the requisite surly teenagers dressed in all black "costumes." I think 13+ is too old for trick or treating; go to a costume party if you like, take a baby sibling out, but don't come shuffling and mumbling to my doorstep unless you are damn perky for a teenager.

The CUTEST kid all night was a little girl who looked about three. She had on a fuzzy horse outfit, smiled and said "Twick oh tweat." I knelt down and asked her if she could do horsie noises for me, and her mom said she wasn't sure, but she could do piggy noises. Mom said, "Do your piggy sound!" This adorable little girl smiled and said "Soooooiieeeeee!" I almost fell over from the cuteness.